I was on the floor weeping like a child, the taste of garlic haunting my mouth.
That was one week ago today.
Since then, God led to through a time of prayer and searching - shaping my heart into something I could never be.
One week ago today, I came home after a haphazard day. I stumbled from class to class as if the world and everything in it was a dream. The dream was one of those that held the sense of nightmare, only for no definable reason. My stomach was churning in knots, this gut-wrenching pit settled in my abdomen.
I had not eaten all day, and really had to desire to, but I ate some garlic -seasoned fish anyways hoping I'd feel better. It didn't work. I became sick. The world continued to turn in surreal way, the dream more real than ever. My heart was pounding. It had been pounding all day; I could feel it literally vibrating my entire body.
I did not understand why the world seemed so different, and why I felt so detached yet disturbed by everything. The garlic taste would not leave my mouth; its bitter, potent taste because representative of the feeling I could not shake. I was hurting deeply and I didn't know why.
So, I began praying as I sat, sick on the bathroom floor. I turned to God and left the question completely open-ended for Him to answer - something I've now learned I rarely do. I hit a low point, and I cried to God.
I believe God was getting my attention. I called out to God and He answered. What he told me led me down a path over the next week that changed many beliefs that I once held closely.
to be continued...