I would like to offer a sincere thank you for what you've done for my left-rear tire. Your artistry and craftsmanship are astounding. The deep gashes going from the top to bottom of my tires, could not have been made by anyone but you. It's your handiwork, what can I say?
But my burning question is: why? Was it because I drive an SUV? Was it because you don't like Woody from Toy Story hanging from my rear-view mirror? I know; it was because of the Baylor sticker on my windshield. You're probably one of those UT jerks, or even more so - one of those A&M jerks!!!! No, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean that - that's just me venting. In reality I forgive you. I even love you - I mean I have to (Mat 22:39). But still I do.
So Mr. Tire-Slasher, if you happen to read the Cruz-Control, I thank you that I must spend my next paycheck to buy new tires. And if you decide to slash them again, maybe while I'm at church, I invite you to come inside and join me... I won't hurt you. I promise. I'm a pacifist.