Last night I led some Roman soldiers to the Garden of Gethsemane to take Jesus into custody. I kissed him on the cheek, not only to show the soldiers he was the one they were to arrest, but also in a way as a sort of apology of what I'd done.
This morning, the high Priests put Jesus on trial. I watched as much of it as I could. They kept accusing him of things like blasphemy. But over and over again, the government officials did really want to do anything to Jesus. But the crowds started falling inline with the Priests. Ciaphus and the guys kept saying that they demanded Jesus be punished for what he'd done. Everyone became like a mob - shouting and screaming. Jesus was ordered to be flogged. I didn't get a good view of this; the crowds were too heavy. I was able to get just close enough to kind of see what was going on. But I could still hear him scream in pain. This lasted almost an hour. I will never forget hearing the pain than the whips caused him. But I thought it would all be over and then they'd leave all of us alone afterwards. But no.
It wasn't enough. The Priests and the crowds began to demand his execution. Over and over they shouted for him to be nailed to a cross - executed in the traditional Roman way. One official offered the crowd a choice: Jesus or a convicted murderer, I forget his name, Barabus, I think. Anyways, it really wasn't much of a choice. I knew as well as everyone else, what the crowd would chose. Pilate 'washed his hands' of the situation. And I couldn't believe it; they weren't just going to jail or whip Jesus, they were going to kill him!
I followed along the outside of the crowd as Jesus was made to walk to the Hill of the Skull. I saw Mary and John, they were both crying. I began to panic - my heart was beating faster than I thought it could handle. Jesus carried the cross-bar he would soon be nailed to. I couldn't believe my eyes. When we arrived at the hill, the soldiers began to put the cross together. Jesus was laid down on top. I can still hear him screaming as the soldiers drove nails into his wrists. They pounded them as if they were breaking stone. Over and over, I heard Jesus scream. I couldn't believe my eyes. Had it really gone this far?
For those of you who have seen a crucifixion first-hand, you know that death doesn't come quickly. I heard Jesus talking to the two people being crucified with him, I think they were theives, but I maybe wrong. I couldn't tell what he said, I was too far away. Underneath his cross, soldiers were gambling for the clothes they'd just stripped off of him. I think they did this to futher rouse the crowds. Mary broke down. When I saw this, I realized I wasn't dreaming after all. He was really dying. The clouds suddenly grew dark. I felt the earth shake underneath my feet. I couldn't take it anymore! I ran off...
MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!